if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
