She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
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and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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