he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
