This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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