Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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