Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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