once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
