it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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