this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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