So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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