She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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