Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
