I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
