Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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