yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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