do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
