saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
