thus making me awesome and them whores
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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