everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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