My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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