I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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