"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
