well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
