sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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