i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize