I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
