all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
