he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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