When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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