he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
