Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will pee on everything he values.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
