I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
