I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
