she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
