apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
