He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
