i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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