I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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