take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
