You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
