goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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