i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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