I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
