SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
