Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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