Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
