put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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