you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
