If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
