she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
