Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
