I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
