is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
