The maid of honor just puked.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
