How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
