haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love you. Go after that dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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