drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
