it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
