he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
