How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
