Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
