dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
