I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
